


Expediency

by arrow (esteefee)



Category: Battlestar Galactica
Genre: Angst, Drunken Confessions, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-24
Updated: 2006-04-24
Packaged: 2017-10-17 15:26:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/178279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esteefee/pseuds/arrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a yahren.  Apollo gets drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expediency

He found Apollo in the last place he thought to look. Actually, he hadn’t even thought to check the aft lower decks, since they had no common spaces and were used mostly for storage, but Jolly had mentioned he’d seen Apollo heading down there, and Starbuck remembered Apollo had a unit in the area.

So Starbuck went belowdecks, getting lost for a while in the maze of corridors, trying to find the storeroom where he’d helped move those extra containers that time as punishment for losing a secton of Apollo’s pay in an ill-fated pyramid game.

Starbuck finally located the place by virtue of the light that was casting a glow on the floor of the dim corridor. He found Apollo, dust coating his formal dress blues, sitting on a rough blanket on the floor, an open bottle of ambrosa next to his left hand.

“Hey,” Starbuck said. “Opening a new Officers’ Club down here? Choice spot.”

Apollo looked up and squinted, then gave a wry, unhappy laugh.

“Should’ve known you’d find me,” he muttered.

“Yup,” Starbuck said, joining him on the blanket and leaning back against the wall behind them. “Best tracker in the Fleet.” He held out his hand imperiously, and Apollo gave up the bottle.

“It was a nice service,” Apollo remarked after a moment’s silence.

“Yeah. I expected Boxey to cry, but he didn’t.” Starbuck drank back some of the ambrosa, coughing a little afterward. “I guess...a yahren is a long time, to a kid.”

“It’s a long time for anyone,” Apollo said, sounding bitter–worse than bitter, edging into angry. Starbuck ached for him, and tilted so he could lean momentarily against Apollo’s shoulder. Whatever Starbuck’s feelings of jealousy were toward Serina and the love Apollo still evidently held for her, he hated to see Apollo hurting. There were few things he hated more, although robotic daggits featured on the list somewhere.

“What’re you doing down here, anyway?” Starbuck asked curiously, looking around. The small room was stacked with plexicrates, some of them open, as if Apollo had been hunting for something.

“I was looking for a holopic of Serina that I remembered seeing in her things. I couldn’t...before, I didn’t want to have it. But I thought Boxey might like to, now.”

“Did you find it?”

Apollo shook his head glumly and took the bottle back. He stared down for a moment before saying, “Found something else, though.” And with that, he took an uncharacteristically healthy slug of the liquor.

Starbuck waited. It was a game he was pretty good at. He had to be. Apollo wasn’t like Boomer; you couldn’t just bug him with questions until he cracked. In fact, the more you asked, the tighter Apollo closed up. Starbuck always figured it had something to do with him having a commander for a father. Apollo had been trained in childhood not to break under questioning.

No, with Apollo, the best approach was to give a leading statement, and then leave the open spaces for him to fill. Although, at this rate, they’d reach the mythical Earth planet before Apollo would open up about Serina. Except when they were around Boxey, Apollo never mentioned her. And he never talked about how he’d felt about losing her.

And Starbuck had been glad, in a selfish way, because listening to him mourning her would have lasered Starbuck straight in the heart. He wanted Apollo for himself.

He looked down, feeling guilty about his thoughts and seeking a distraction. He saw that Apollo had an electronic pad in his lap, an older model.

“That doesn’t look like yours,” Starbuck said, jerking his chin.

Apollo put down the bottle and lifted the pad. His face twisted with something.

“It’s hers,” he admitted. “I...I cracked the seal.” The confession was low, ashamed.

Starbuck was shocked, in a delighted sort of way. Apollo was probably the most rigid follower of conduct of anyone he knew, next to Colonel Tigh. He tilted his head, intrigued.

“I miss her sometimes. So much I–” Apollo’s voice was unsteady and he cut himself off, dropping the pad in his lap. His head dipped, and the dark hair fell over his face.

“’Pollo....”

“No. No, it’s not...I don’t–” Apollo’s fist clenched on his thigh. “I miss her sometimes, but it’s like I don’t miss _her_ , I miss what she was to me. And then I feel guilty, because I start to feel something...but that’s impossible, anyway.”

The confused rambling made Starbuck realize how affected by the drink Apollo was. Starbuck held his breath, hoping it would be enough to loosen his lips at last.

“So I came down here,” Apollo continued, sounding miserable, “Because today, of all days, I wanted to find that picture, and remember what it was like with her, remember being with her...and then I found her pad, and I did it. I broke her privacy seal.” Apollo’s neck was red.

“She’s gone, Apollo,” Starbuck said as gently as he could. “You can’t hurt her by doing it. And maybe there’s something in there you can share with Boxey....”

Apollo nodded jerkily. “I thought maybe she had written something about us, something that would bring her back and make me stop...stop...but it just made it worse. Oh, Gods, so much worse.” He pushed the pad off his lap with a clatter and then bent his knees up, resting his forehead against them.

“Hey, now.” Starbuck put an uncertain hand on his shoulder.

“She didn’t love me,” Apollo said, the words muffled in the hollow of his body.

Starbuck felt a shock of heat pound to his face–instant fury. _What the hell did that bitch write?_ But he forced himself to say, “Of course she did. Whatever she wrote...maybe you just had an argument that day or something–”

Apollo was shaking his head. “No. I mean, she did, in her way, maybe...but the real reason she wanted to seal with me was...she was sick. She was really sick, Starbuck. She was dying from a radiation syndrome from the attack. She knew it, and she wanted someone to take care of Boxey. I was just...expedient.”

Starbuck felt sick with anger. Apollo’s voice had choked off. His shoulder shook once, a single heave, and he made a coughing sound.

_Oh, Lords. I think he’s actually crying._

But when Apollo raised his head again, his eyes were dry, if red. There was a bitter twist to his mouth when he gave Starbuck a glance. Apollo looked away again, and his hand came up to rub at his chest.

“I guess she recognized a dutiful type,” he mumbled. “And me, I have so much trouble, when I really like someone...but it was easy because of Boxey. She was too beautiful, but I could talk to _him_ , you know? I was using him at first, in a way. So I deserve it. I deserve it, because everything she wrote was about me and Boxey, and how good I was with him. And it’s true I love him now, so much. But she didn’t love _me_. She just loved the way I was with Boxey.”

The garbled, painful mess of words was more than Starbuck had ever heard from Apollo about Serina. And more than he could take. He slung his arm over the strong back and squeezed the opposite shoulder.

“I know she must have loved you, ‘Pol. The way she looked at you....” It hurt him to say it, but he got the words out somehow.

But Apollo just shook his head and made a weary noise.

“Do you still love her?” The words slipped out before Starbuck could stop them. Since it was the primary question that had been on his mind these past few sectares, it wasn’t surprising. But he wanted to bite his tongue right off when he saw the sadness and confusion that creased the angular features.

Apollo scrubbed at his face as if to wipe off the expression, but it lingered stubbornly as he whispered, “I don’t know. Sometimes, lately, I’ve been so...I’ve wanted to....” He looked ashamed.

“But that’s good. It’s been a yahren, ‘Pollo.” Never mind that it would make him jealous as hell to see Apollo with someone else. Someone alive. Hades, even the way Sheba hung around–though she obviously had no chance–made him want to throttle her stringy neck. But Apollo deserved to be loved.

“It’s _time_ ,” Starbuck said, when Apollo didn’t answer.

Apollo looked at him for a long moment, as if studying him for condemnation. As if he was supposed to grieve the rest of his life for a woman who hadn’t even loved him when she’d married him. Starbuck nodded encouragingly.

Apollo took a breath and looked away. “I’ve never been any good at it, you know. Being with someone I like, getting them to see me. So there haven’t been a lot of them. And the few I’ve been with have been complete disasters. Lords, remember Nathana back at the Academy?” He laughed harshly.

Starbuck remembered Nathana, all right. Bitch. She’d rolled into Apollo like a landram, stunning and delighting him until he’d overheard her boasting to a girlfriend that she had ‘snagged Adama’s son.’

What Apollo didn’t remember, because Starbuck had been careful not to mention it, was that after the explosive breakup, Starbuck had set out to charm, seduce and then abandon the little cubit-lover. In the end, though, he’d settled for going into her ’flush and sneaking some green dye into her shampoo before leaving her, un-fucked. He couldn’t bear to touch her.

It was possibly the only time in his life he had turned down a willing female.

“You have all the luck,” Starbuck said, trying to lighten the mood. “She probably would have given you some disease.” He supposed he was speaking to both of them.

Apollo grimaced but didn’t respond.

“What do you mean, ‘getting them to see you’?” Starbuck asked.

Apollo shot him a disbelieving look. “You think anyone sees me when I’m standing next to you?”

 _I do. I see you._ It took a micron for Starbuck to hear what Apollo was saying, and then he felt a glow at the words.

“You’re kidding, right? Good-looking warrior like you? You could have any of ’em if you just took a little time to talk to them.” He was looking at Apollo as he said it, and he didn’t miss the start of surprise. Or the sudden flush that painted Apollo’s face before he turned his head away.

 _So beautiful,_ Starbuck thought. _You could have me without even asking._

“I’m just no good at it, Bucko,” Apollo said softly. “And after Serina, I’m even more out of practice. I’d start tripping right over my own tongue.”

“That’s it, then,” Starbuck said, slapping his thighs with his hands and then shuffling to face Apollo. “You just need to practice.”

“Practice?” Apollo’s eyes were wide. Starbuck retrieved the bottle of ambrosa and took a swig before handing it to him.

“Yup, practice. You can practice on me.” And maybe Starbuck had lost his head for alcohol, because it was a stupid idea, really. Very stupid. All he knew was he couldn’t stand to see Apollo hurting. Lonely. Because that much was obvious–the man was lonely, and miserable about it.

“You’re crazy,” Apollo said, and he had a sip from the bottle. “We’ll be locking you in the mental wing of the hospital ship soon.”

“C’mon, give it a try,” Starbuck said, grinning at him with his very best. “You want to be a lone lupus the rest of your life?”

Apollo tilted his head and gave him small smile. “How can I be alone when I’ve got you?”

And damned if he didn’t mean it, if those green eyes weren’t staring sincerely into his. Starbuck’s breath almost stopped. He forced himself to say, lightly, “And you always will, buddy. But no more stalling. Practice.”

“Practice,” Apollo grumbled. He looked down for a moment, and then shifted to sit with his legs crossed, facing Starbuck. He took a deep breath and then said, rapid-fire, “If I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?”

Starbuck stared for a second, then burst out laughing. But Apollo just looked at him, smiling sadly, until he ran out. The sadness dried up the laughter pretty quick.

“You’ll have to do better than that. Okay, we’re on the _Rising Star_ , in the Celestial Delights room. You run into me at the bar and are smitten.”

“Smitten?”

“Completely. You are bedazzled by my charming good looks and the way my gown goes with my eyes.”

“You do look good in blue valcron. Do I tell you that?” Apollo looked wryly amused now, and more relaxed.

“Not at first, no. Because you know I’m picky, and that’s too obvious a come-on. Instead, you talk about...star clusters.”

“I bore you with an astronomy lecture?”

Starbuck just glared at him until Apollo sighed and shifted.

“Okay. Did you know that we’ve just discovered a new, highly dense globular cluster at the edge of the galaxy we’re traveling through? We’ve decided to name it Sagittarius, after the lost colony.”

Starbuck made an appreciative sound and fluttered his eyelashes. Apollo looked startled for a moment, then his face reddened.

“Frack!” he said.

“Frack?”

“This is stupid.” Apollo rose to his feet, groaning and rubbing at his legs, stamping them out.

Starbuck levered himself up to join him. “But it was going so well,” he said, feeling sheepish. Yes, it was stupid. Dangerously stupid. Staring longingly into Apollo’s eyes was not the most brilliant way to conceal his desire for the man.

“You know why this is so stupid? I don’t want to just _meet_ someone, or pick someone up in a frackin’ bar, Starbuck. If it was... _that_...I wanted, I could just hire a socialator. It’s not like I have anything else to spend my cubits on now that you’ve given up gambling.”

“Now that I’ve-I’ve what?”

Apollo turned and gave him a knowing look. “Ever since we got back from the Ship of Lights, you hardly ever spend all night playing pyramid anymore. You mean you didn’t notice?”

Oh. Yeah, he had, sort of–not given up gambling, but given up doing things that pulled him away from Apollo. He’d almost lost him, thanks to the Count–and Sheba’s stupidity–and he wasn’t really willing to waste time on other things anymore.

But he sure in Hades hadn’t noticed Apollo noticing.

And that wasn’t good. Apollo was looking at him funny, this strange look in his eyes, as if Starbuck were a particularly difficult attack pattern he was trying to decipher.

“Practice,” Starbuck reminded him, sounding nervous to his own ears.

Apollo blew out a breath, shaking his head.

“Look, I know you, I know you don’t just go in for a casual thing. But there must be someone you like, someone you can talk to and try to get to know better.”

Apollo gave an abrupt laugh. “Okay.” He approached Starbuck and stood in front of him. The green eyes were glinting downward, half-hidden by his lids. “About that star cluster....” he said.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted them to name it ‘Starbuck.’ Because it’s almost as bright as your eyes.”

Starbuck stared in shock for a deadly moment before starting to laugh almost hysterically. It took him a while to realize that Apollo wasn’t joining him. Instead, he had turned and bent down to pick up the blanket, folding it and placing it in one of the plexicrates. He tossed the electronic pad in after it, and closed the lid.

“’Pollo?” Starbuck said, feeling suddenly nervous, his throat aching a little.

“I think it’s time I hit the sack. Early patrol tomorrow.” Apollo’s voice sounded tight as he threw the comment over his shoulder.

_What was that? What just happened?_

_Wasn’t he kidding?_

__“Apollo....”

Apollo turned back, his lips set, the vulnerability and pain all hidden now, tightly contained behind the familiar, angular planes of his face. The Strike Captain was back, composed and in command. And whatever had been lurking there in his eyes was gone.

Starbuck’s stomach gave a little lurch as he realized he couldn’t let it go. He wouldn’t. Not this time.

With the strangest feeling like he was sitting in his Viper, hand on the stick and about to launch, he took two steps back and closed the door behind him. He heard it catch.

“What’re you doing?” Apollo said. But his tone was too flat.

“We’re not done practicing,” Starbuck said, his voice a little thick. He swallowed quickly to clear it, and then approached Apollo, who swayed back. His heel hit the plexicrate behind him and he wobbled momentarily. Starbuck’s hand shot out and grabbed his upper arm, steadying him, dust puffing from the sleeve where Starbuck gripped it.

He left his hand there, watching irritation flit across Apollo’s face, followed by something that looked a lot like fear. That’s when Starbuck knew for certain. Because Apollo would never be afraid of him. Only of himself, of something he wanted.

Apollo never let himself have what he wanted.

“Starbuck....” Apollo said, his voice grainy.

Starbuck shook his head, denying the unspoken request to be released. Instead, he leaned forward and said softly, “If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

Apollo’s mouth opened and he froze like a rodent trapped under an ophidian’s gaze. Starbuck let his hand move to the flat chest to rest over Apollo’s heart. Even through the thickness of the dress blues, Starbuck could feel the hardening of Apollo’s nipple, and a subtle shuddering in the lean frame.

“Don’t–” Apollo said roughly, and Starbuck’s heart sank. “–tease. If this is one of your-your damned practical jokes....” He sounded shaken.

Starbuck’s heart leapt up again. “You know me better than that,” he said urgently, and after a long moment saw Apollo’s face soften.

“Starbuck,” Apollo said, and when he whispered it this time, it was different kind of plea. One Starbuck was dying to grant. So he leaned forward and kissed the full lips, feeling the shock of Apollo’s breath moving into him.

 _Yes. Oh, Gods, yes._ Starbuck didn’t think Apollo had done much kissing in his limited off-hours, but he appeared to be a natural. His lips curved to mold themselves tightly to Starbuck’s, and the taste of him was ambrosa and heat, firing Starbuck’s nerves in a shockwave to his groin. His hands moved automatically to circle the slim waist and join together in the small of Apollo’s back, and he found himself bending Apollo’s neck with the force of his desire.

Apollo made a startled sound, and Starbuck took advantage of his now-open lips, smoothly sliding his tongue in to move against Apollo’s. Starbuck groaned at the added warmth and flavor, tasting his old friend and new lover.

But Apollo stiffened in his arms. Starbuck pulled back, trying to ignore the aching demands of his body.

“Hey.” He raised one hand, sinking his fingers into the hair at Apollo’s temple, the curve of his palm capturing Apollo’s cheek. Apollo was staring up at him, the green of his eyes painfully bright. He looked overwhelmed.

“Just me, here, ‘Pol. You’ve known me a thousand yahrens.”

“Not like this,” Apollo whispered back. “I don’t-I don’t know how to _do_ this, Star.”

It was so rare that Apollo was uncertain about anything. Starbuck wasn’t quite sure how to handle it.

“Knowing you, I’m sure you’ve at least read the manual and regulations,” he kidded gently, trying to raise one of Apollo’s rare smiles.

He was rewarded with a tiny quirk of Apollo’s lips; enough of an excuse for Starbuck to lean in again for another kiss. This time, when he raised his head for air, Apollo’s face was tinged red, and he, too, was breathing heavily. His hands had found Starbuck’s shoulders and were grasping tightly.

 _I’ll have bruises there tomorrow._ The thought made Starbuck’s cock throb impatiently as he imagined his own hands gripping those slim hips, pushing and pulling them toward him.... He looked around and gave a snort of disgust. _I am not going to take his innocence in a storage closet._  
  
Because that’s what he wanted to do. Take Apollo and love him into believing he could be wanted. And he could ease Apollo’s loneliness, if only for this night. Starbuck didn’t kid himself that they were destined for more than that. __  
  
He pulled away from Apollo’s grip and took his hand. “C’mon,” he said, tugging him toward the door. __  
  
“Where’re we going?” Apollo still sounded breathless.

“Somewhere where I can make love to you properly,” Starbuck responded. He didn’t have to look back to know Apollo was shaken. He heard it in the faltering steps behind him, and pulled imperiously to overcome the resistance. He let them out, then released Apollo’s hand as they walked the long corridor back to the turbolift.

Inside, he stood side by side with Apollo, feeling the tension vibrating the very molecules of recycled air between them. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this eager to bed someone.

He couldn’t remember ever feeling like this.

The thought would have given him pause, but he was beyond thinking, and into urgent need. His hand was shaking as he entered his door code, and then he nudged Apollo into his quarters and straight to his bunk. Once there, he could finally look at Apollo again.

The uncertainty was back, drawn in the tight muscles of Apollo’s cheeks. Starbuck traced the sharp planes with his fingers, trying to soften them. When his thumb passed over Apollo’s lips, he felt the air leave Apollo’s mouth in a shuddering sigh.

“Can’t decide whether to kiss you or strip you,” Starbuck whispered. “Wish I could figure out how to do both at once.” He grinned at Apollo. The color had risen high on Apollo’s cheekbones, bringing out the pure green of his eyes.

 _Eyes like a felix._ Starbuck shook off the momentary hypnosis and reached for Apollo’s tunic, releasing the fastener at the neck and pulling down. Apollo stood obediently as he was stripped of his tunic, then sat to have his boots tugged off. Starbuck quickly removed the rest of his clothing, Apollo letting him, until he reached for the band of Apollo’s shorts. Then Apollo’s hands landed on his, stopping him.

“First you,” Apollo said. Starbuck sighed inwardly, stopped just short of locking on his target. But he let Apollo mimic his actions, enjoying the sensation of being touched by the careful hands. As Apollo undressed him, he gave Starbuck little strokes on his exposed skin, brief and furtive, but enough to make his nipples stand at rigid attention.

He saw Apollo’s eyes drop to his chest, and he reached out and caught one of Apollo’s hands, bringing it up to flatten it over his skin.

As if he’d just been waiting for permission, Apollo started touching him eagerly, rubbing his palm, then his fingertips, back and forth over the sensitive, raised flesh.

Starbuck sucked in some extra oxygen at the sensation, and caught the first hint of a smile appearing on Apollo’s otherwise earnest face.

“That’s so good,” Starbuck murmured, although the arching of his back and the pleasure on his face should have been sufficient cues. But he always liked to encourage his lovers with words and sounds. Apollo nodded in agreement, and Starbuck stifled a grin at the rapt expression on Apollo’s face as he continued to stroke Starbuck lightly.

But the touch was too teasing after yahrens of yearning, and Starbuck’s patience had never been the greatest when it came to physical pleasures. He pulled back briefly and shoved off his underwear, letting it fall to his feet before stepping out.

When he looked up, it was to see that Apollo’s hands had frozen mid-air and he was staring down at Starbuck’s erection, his face a transparent mixture of consternation and excitement.

“Now you,” Starbuck said, not wanting to lose momentum, and before Apollo could react, he’d taken a grip on the band of Apollo’s shorts and pushed down on the final barrier, easing it over the stiffness at Apollo’s groin.

Apollo’s color deepened to match the dark flush of his erect cock. It was beautiful, seeing him like this, heated eagerness and hesitancy wrapped in yards of bronze skin. Starbuck caught him by the shoulders and eased him down onto his bunk, his eyes on Apollo’s the whole time, observing the surprise on Apollo’s face at being manhandled, but seeing, too, the depth of trust shining out of his eyes.

It was a faith Starbuck had sworn long ago never to willingly break, and he reminded himself to take his own pleasure slowly, in spite of the urgency pounding signals from his groin to his brain. It wasn’t clear to him if Apollo’s hesitancy was from the novelty of being made love to by a man, or a more general lack of experience, but either way, he didn’t want to do anything to change that look of absolute trust.

He took his time with slow kisses and nibbles on the soft skin under his hands, charting the way first with his fingertips on the flesh of Apollo’s neck, the divot above his sternum, the hard muscles wrapped around his ribs. Apollo gasped quietly, and his hands were in Starbuck’s hair, fluffing it out from the back of his neck, tracing his shoulders, giving him the shivers with the delicacy of his touch. But the touch turned firm and grasping when Starbuck’s mouth journeyed lower, his tongue stroking Apollo’s bellybutton before dipping down.

“What-what’re you...Gods! Starbuck!” Apollo cried out when Starbuck at last took hold of his cock and threaded a long, slow lick up its length.

 _Well, that answers the experience question,_ Starbuck thought. Serina had struck him as many things–manipulative, demanding, headstrong–but inexperienced wasn’t one of them. Either she’d been holding back on Apollo, or they just hadn’t had ample opportunity for involved sex. Or perhaps Apollo’s own inexperience had thrown a torque wrench in the works. _Probably a combination of all three._

Apollo had stopped talking–stopped breathing, practically–as Starbuck knelt, leisurely tasting the thick, well-shaped cock. He let the heavy weight of Apollo’s balls rest in the palm of one hand and massaged gently as he finally took in the head, sucking and licking.

A faint, breathy moan floated down to him and he smiled around the thickness in his mouth. Apollo’s thighs were rigid under his right arm but he hadn’t, as Starbuck expected, thrust up and deeper into his mouth. It was as if Apollo barely dared to move for fear of disrupting the action. Starbuck released Apollo’s cock long enough to reach below him and fill his hands with Apollo’s round, firm ass cheeks. He squeezed them and received another of those soft moans in answer. And then he lifted up, encouraging Apollo to thrust.

Apollo’s hips jerked, and then he began to move. His hands had been clenched in the bedding by his sides, but his palms flattened out as he started thrusting upward. Starbuck brought him to the brink, carefully monitoring the soft, panting moans and the balls that were tightening in his palm. At the last possible moment he eased back, letting Apollo’s cock slide from his mouth.

He looked up. Apollo’s gaze was glassy, his eyelids heavy with arousal. But though his face was tense, the expected pleas didn’t come. There weren’t many lovers that Starbuck’s mouth hadn’t succeeded reducing to quivering, whimpering, pleading bundles of flesh, but then, Apollo wasn’t Strike Captain for nothing. Starbuck smiled inwardly, deciding to up the ante.

He reached into the table by the head of his bunk and withdrew a well-used tube of lubricant. Apollo’s eyes had closed, and he was gasping almost silently, his arms still by his sides. Starbuck had half-hoped Apollo would try to ease himself with his own hands. It would’ve been a pleasure to watch. But he didn’t.

“You’re beautiful,” Starbuck whispered, leaning down to give Apollo a kiss. Apollo’s eyes startled open and he lunged for Starbuck like a drowning man. Starbuck moaned into Apollo’s mouth, encouraged by the desperate passion of his lips. He indulged himself in tasting Apollo for a good long while before pulling back.

“Spread your legs,” he directed, nudging with his knees so he could crouch in the ‘v’ between Apollo’s thighs.

Apollo did as he asked, but his eyes were open, and doubt creased his face. Starbuck winced.

“Trust me, ‘Pol. I’d never hurt you, you know that.”

Apollo’s eyes closed again and he nodded. “I know, Star.” He let out a deep sigh.

Starbuck uncapped the lube, putting some on his fingertips before nudging again with his knees. Apollo’s legs spread wider, opening himself.

Starbuck lost no time getting his mouth back on that thick, beautiful cock, and Apollo thrashed a little, making a hoarse sound. Then Starbuck found the tight, ringed center of him with one slick finger. Before Apollo had time to tense at the touch, Starbuck slipped in with his fingertip.

“Star,” Apollo gasped.

His anus was tight, so tight and warm. Starbuck worked his tongue on the sweet spot just below the head of Apollo’s cock, knowing how hard it was to clench up when someone was pleasuring you that way. Sure enough, the muscle loosened and Apollo let out a disbelieving sound as Starbuck slid his finger deeper inside, searching. He pressed up along the channel, found the small, soft gland, and crooked his fingertip, rubbing against it.

“Ahh!” Apollo let out a startled shout, and then he was giving it up, his cock spurting into Starbuck’s mouth. Starbuck took the opportunity to join a second finger to the first, thrusting them in and out to increase Apollo’s pleasure. His cock throbbed sympathetically in time with pulse of Apollo’s shaft.

When Apollo made a whimpering sound, Starbuck lifted his lips and swallowed, then gently cleaned the limp shaft with his tongue. But he left his fingers within, still moving them slowly, acclimating Apollo to the sensation of being penetrated.

Keeping his fingers in place, Starbuck leaned over to kiss Apollo once again, sharing the taste of him. Apollo returned the kiss weakly. When Starbuck straightened, Apollo opened his eyes.

“Incredible,” he said, his voice shaky. “You’re incredible.”

Starbuck had to suppress a smug smile.

“You have to-to teach me to...I want to make you feel as good,” Apollo stammered out. “How?”

Starbuck didn’t answer in words, but he moved his fingers once again, twisting them in the softened channel, and Apollo’s eyes widened with understanding before closing briefly.

“What do I do?” he asked.

“Turn onto your side,” Starbuck said, excitement thickening his voice. He withdrew his fingers and, while Apollo was shifting over, slathered his cock with lube, overdoing it a little, but wanting this to be as painless as possible for Apollo.

“Raise your knee up.” Starbuck brushed Apollo’s right leg with the back of his hand, and obediently Apollo pulled it up toward his chest. Starbuck reclaimed the exposed passage with his lubed fingers, hearing Apollo’s breath catch when he pushed a third one in. Starbuck waited until Apollo was breathing freely again before bending his fingers, knuckling the velvet-soft inner walls. He felt Apollo clench around him in surprise, and the sensation of the strong muscles clasping his fingers made Starbuck’s dick twitch impatiently.

He withdrew his fingers, splitting them wider and stretching the outer ring, teasing it with hooked fingertips, smiling when he heard again the now-familiar breathless moan. Then he could wait no longer. He settled himself on his side and guided his cock up to the heat that awaited him.

The next centons passed in a fever. He pushed into Apollo, claiming him at last, heard the shocked sound of Apollo’s breath being released on a low, voiced groan, nearly soundless. Starbuck tried to wait, to give Apollo time to adjust to having a cock inside him, but mere microns later he found he was thrusting inward, pulling out and thrusting again, keeping the pace as slow as he could, fearing his heart would burn out before he’d find release.

Apollo’s hand came flailing back and Starbuck captured it to marry it beneath his on Apollo’s hip while he continued rocking in and out. Soon, though, he could not longer control the passion that Apollo’s whispered moans excited in him, not to mention the sweet pressure of the warmth fluttering around his cock. He pushed Apollo onto his belly and, bracing himself on the bed, Starbuck started pounding with lightning thrusts into Apollo’s body, his scrotum slapping against Apollo’s tight buttocks as he fucked him deep. All too soon, Starbuck’s balls tightened up hard and he shouted Apollo’s name, coming inside him, rocked with the force of his pleasure.

“Gods. Gods,” Starbuck gasped, dropping his forehead onto Apollo’s shoulder as the last of his orgasm shuddered through him. He found Apollo’s right hand and squeezed it tight, pressing damp kisses on the skin beneath his lips.

“So beautiful,” he whispered, and heard Apollo sigh. Starbuck withdrew carefully and checked himself for signs of blood. There were none. He glanced down at Apollo, who was still breathing heavily and hadn’t moved.

Starbuck reached into his drawer, coming up with a wad of tissue. “Hold still,” he said softly, and separated Apollo’s cheeks, cleaning him, looking closely for damage. He’d lost control, he mourned, seeing the reddened ring of tissue.

“What in Hades are you doing back there?” Apollo grumbled, sounding so much like his usual, cranky self, that Starbuck heaved a silent sigh of relief.

“Nothing.” He released Apollo’s buttock, giving it a small, proprietary pat.

Apollo rolled over to look at him. But his eyes drifted away when he said, “Did I...it sounded like you enjoyed yourself.”

Starbuck laughed and leaned over him. “Enjoyed doesn’t begin to cover it, sweetheart.” He saw Apollo’s eyes blink at the endearment before they closed at Starbuck’s kiss.

Starbuck waved his hand at the light sensor and they were blanketed in darkness. Apollo rolled over, making room on the tiny bunk so Starbuck could snuggle up behind him. He slipped one hand under Apollo’s arm to trap him against his chest. Apollo shifted his legs, and Starbuck felt him take a deep breath.

“So. Practice again tomorrow?” Starbuck said, keeping his voice light, hoping Apollo wouldn’t feel his heart thundering while he waited for the answer.

There was a long pause, then Apollo responded, “Well, you know what a slow learner I am.”

The husky promise followed Starbuck into his dreams.

~oOo~

  
Starbuck should have been ecstatic, completely over the moons. He finally had Apollo in his bed. And elsewhere, all over the ship. Over the next two sectons, he fracked his captain senseless on an almost-daily basis, whenever they could squeeze a few moments out of their busy patrol schedules, and away from Apollo’s fathering duties.

And Apollo proved himself to be a more than apt pupil, using that perfect mouth of his all over Starbuck’s body. But though he obviously delighted in giving Starbuck pleasure, he hadn’t yet asked to make love to Starbuck.

Starbuck blamed their unbalanced beginning. The morning after, he’d woken to find himself curled closely around Apollo, the round buttocks nestled tight against Starbuck’s groin, and Starbuck’s morning erection firmly trapped between the soft cheeks. Starbuck knew the exact micron that Apollo, himself, became aware of the situation. Anticipating a stiffening and a pulling away, Starbuck was surprised when Apollo simply pulled his knee up toward his chest and nudged his ass backward, offering himself.

It was too soon, Starbuck knew he shouldn’t take him again without giving him a chance to recover. But he couldn’t resist the wordless, priceless offer. He tested the softened muscle with his fingers, finding it still moist and open. Hurriedly, he lubed himself up and pressed gently into the slightly swollen ring, hearing Apollo make a soft sound. This time, without the heated urgency of the night before, Starbuck settled into a slow rocking of his hips, changing the angle until he heard/felt Apollo’s gasp and shudder and knew he’d found his sweet spot. Starbuck rubbed gently against it, relishing the soft whisper-moans that were like music–the song of Apollo’s enjoyment. Starbuck kept the slow pace until Apollo himself started moving his hips, trying to fuck himself back onto Starbuck’s cock. Then Starbuck felt free to shift him over and start thrusting harder, manipulating Apollo’s hips until he could hammer against Apollo’s prostate.

Starbuck was reaching down to grip Apollo’s cock when Apollo’s back went rigid and he let out a low cry, coming all over Starbuck’s hand and the sheets below them. Knowing his cock alone had brought Apollo to orgasm was enough to send Starbuck over as well, and he tried hard not to press too deeply as he moaned Apollo’s name and pumped his come inside him.

But that night and morning had established a pattern that Starbuck didn’t know how to break. He didn’t feel comfortable coming right out and asking Apollo to take him, knowing that Apollo was still suffering from some doubts about his own skills as a lover. And Starbuck was almost afraid to remove that final doubt.

He didn’t know where they stood. What had started out as a clever plan, an excuse to make love to Apollo at long last, had turned Starbuck into a tangled mess of conflicting emotions. He wanted to be with Apollo all the time. But Starbuck was painfully conscious that every time they met, it was only at his own suggestion. Apollo always agreed eagerly enough, but he never made the first move. Never.

They had laughingly called it ‘practice.’ Starbuck wanted to think there was more to their encounters than that, that Apollo didn’t just want him because he was too shy to approach anyone else. But Starbuck began to fear that _he_ was the expedient one, this time, and that as soon as Apollo graduated–with honors, of course–he would move on to someone else.

It was enough to make a guy want to stick his head in a launch tube.

~oOo~

“Hey, Boom-Boom, where’s the captain at?” Starbuck had an unlit fumarillo tucked into the corner of his mouth, the better to exude nonchalance. Boomer had been all too suspicious of Starbuck’s glowing good mood lately, and he’d made it his mission to find out who was fracking that impenetrable grin onto Starbuck’s face.

“He’s off. They had a command briefing scheduled but Tigh came down with the flu.” Boomer’s face split into an evil smile.

“Tigh? Sick? I thought that was against regulations.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” Boomer said dryly.

Starbuck waved his smoke and sauntered off. Once he was in the corridor, however, his pace picked up. This was the perfect chance to finally have it out with his practice partner and would-be lover.

Would be, if Starbuck could convince him. His steps slowed a little as he reached the door, but he determinedly pressed the chime.

The door slid open. Apollo was seated at his desk, and he looked up, a big smile brightening his face.

“I was just going to call you,” he said, rising out of his chair.

“Were you?” Starbuck’s voice was flat. He was surprised to realize he was more than a little ticked off. It was the smile that did it. _He always looks so glad, but he never **says** anything._

“Yeah.” Apollo’s smile faltered a little. “Boxey’s off on a field trip to a hydroponics ship, and my briefing just got canceled, so....”

“So?” Starbuck folded his arms.

The smile was gone. Apollo’s head dipped. “So...I wondered if....” His voice trailed off. When Starbuck’s silence greeted him, Apollo’s eyes flickered away.

“Sagan’s sake, Apollo. Can’t you even _say_ it? Ask me, just once?”

“What?” Apollo’s head jerked up and his mouth snapped shut.

“You _know_ what. You never ask me to...meet up with you. It’s always me chasing after you like a daggit begging for a biscuit. It’s like you don’t even give a damn–”

Starbuck hadn’t meant it to come out quite like that, but he was relieved to finally have it out in the open. Apollo’s jaw had dropped open again at his words, and he was working it as if he could mechanically ratchet out a response.

“Well?” Starbuck prompted him, impatiently. Apollo turned his head away, staring off to the side. His face looked pale.

“I...I didn’t think you wanted me to. And I thought if I pushed myself on you...I mean it’s not like I’m the most exciting lover in the world. I thought if I saw you as much as I wanted to, you’d just get tired of me sooner.”

It was Starbuck’s turn to drop his jaw. “Tired? Who said I could ever get tired of you?”

Apollo let out a painful-sounding laugh, and he raised his hand to rub at his chest.

“Apollo–”

“It hurts, you know, seeing you with them, one after the other, all of them so beautiful. I think sometimes you noticed how it made me...you’d tease me about being jealous of your success.” Apollo’s voice dropped lower. “But that wasn’t it, you know? It just hurt me to watch you giving yourself away like that. I know you thought you were the one doing the taking, but it didn’t look like that to me.”

Apollo’s eyes met his, and Starbuck’s breath hitched at the look.

“To me, it just looked like you were throwing away something precious, as if it wasn’t worth anything. Not a damned thing. But I wanted you to give it to _me_ , so I could keep it for you. Keep it safe.”

Starbuck couldn’t speak.

Apollo gave another pained laugh. “And then, I guess because you wanted to help me, you finally gave it to me. But now that I’m on this side of it, I know how they all felt. And how desperate they were, and why. Not just because you’re a terrific lover, but because sometimes, when you’re holding me after, holding me hard, it’s like you trust me to keep it for you, if only for a little while.”

“’Pol,” Starbuck whispered, his heart knocking against the walls of his chest. He took two steps forward, and saw Apollo register the movement. His posture stiffened.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that. But I couldn’t let you think that I didn’t want to see you, every centon of the day. It doesn’t mean you have to–”

Starbuck’s hand landed on the one covering Apollo’s heart, stopping the painful mumble of words.

“What did you think I was giving them?” Starbuck whispered. “Did you think I had anything left to give ’em that I hadn’t already given away to you, yahrens ago? You’ve always had it.”

Apollo was staring at him, eyes wide, and Starbuck had to lower his face, his hair falling over his eyes to protect him.

He swallowed hard, trying to ease the lump in his throat. “I wasn’t trying to help you. I was trying to help _me_. The practice thing was just...expediency, like you said. But I was worried that it _really_ was, for you.”

Apollo’s chest rose under their hands, as if he needed a deep breath. Starbuck squeezed Apollo’s hand and pulled it away so he could lay his own palm there. He rubbed softly, feeling the heat, and the pounding of the true heart.

And then Apollo’s mouth was on his, hard, and Starbuck stumbled backward, Apollo following, until he found himself pressed against the bulkhead.

“Okay, then,” Starbuck said, when Apollo let him up for air.

Apollo nodded, then grabbed him again for more kissing.

They ended up nude on Apollo’s bunk, Starbuck flat on his back beneath his writhing, panting lover. _Lover. Lover,_ he chanted to himself. Apollo started to move down his chest to take Starbuck in his mouth, but Starbuck stopped him.

“Apollo. Wait,” he said. He had to breathe between words.

Apollo stared up at him, a frown of concern creasing his brow.

 _No, you didn’t do anything wrong._ Starbuck brushed his fingers through Apollo’s soft, dark hair, pushing it away from his face so he could see him clearly.

“I need you to take me,” Starbuck said.

He saw Apollo swallow. “You’re sure? I don’t–” Apollo’s face screwed up when Starbuck’s hand found his cock, squeezing gently.

“You don’t want to?” Starbuck battled his disappointment. But when Apollo’s eyes opened, they were filled with green fire.

“Oh, I want to,” Apollo said, his voice rough. “Want you...so bad. I just don’t want to frack it up.”

He seemed to hear his own words, because he laughed a little, ironically.

“Oh, you can frack _me_ up, left, right and sideways,” Starbuck said, chuckling evilly at Apollo’s blush. “I’m not very picky.”

Apollo pounced on his lips again. Starbuck suspected it was just to shut him up, but he wasn’t complaining. Then Apollo reached under the pillow, pulling out a pristine tube of lubricant and brandishing it before Starbuck’s face.

“See? I _told_ you I was just about to call you.”

Apollo didn’t talk much, after that. His mouth was too busy on Starbuck’s cock, driving him insane with a teasing tongue, and his fingers were slipping inside Starbuck, preparing him, stroking him, touching him as Apollo himself loved to be touched.

“Come on,” Starbuck said, panting. He could feel sweat beading his upper lip, and then Apollo’s tongue was there, licking it up before taking his lips again. Apollo’s cock was a hot ember pressing against his leg.

Starbuck pushed him away so he could raise his legs, resting them over Apollo’s shoulders. Apollo fumbled for a moment, and then there was heated pressure, and a momentary, piercing pain before his cock slid home, socking into Starbuck’s prostate like an attack missile. Starbuck yelped with satisfaction, and his mouth started the begging words, the ones he could never remember saying afterwards. And this time he heard Apollo murmuring back, his hips moving in smooth thrust after thrust.

Starbuck wanted to listen, wanted to hear the words, because finally Apollo was talking to him, babbling as if everything he’d held back was finally bursting out, but Starbuck couldn’t hear it. His ears were filled with the roar of his blood, and his own whimpers of pleasure. He felt Apollo’s sure grip on his cock, jerking it as he’d learned Starbuck loved it, tight and long, and then Apollo paused in his thrusts, pressing hard in that delicious spot behind his balls, still pumping his cock, and Starbuck yelled Apollo’s name and came all over both of them, spattering them both with his seed.

Apollo started thrusting again, bending lower over him, and Starbuck lifted a weak hand to palm the sweaty face. Apollo moaned something and leaned into the caress, and then he was chanting again as he thrust harder and harder. And finally Starbuck could hear it.

“Love. Love. Love you.”

Starbuck dropped his hand to Apollo’s chest, right over his heart, and Apollo threw back his head and shouted, “Starbuck! Ah, Gods.” Starbuck felt the throbbing and waning of the thick cock inside him, and he clenched hard around it, making Apollo shout again.

Starbuck felt the panting slowly ease beneath his hand. Apollo was still crouched over him, trembling, and he bent slowly, letting Starbuck’s legs fall so he could lay another kiss on Starbuck’s lips.

“Come on down here before you fall over,” Starbuck said, tugging at Apollo’s shoulders. Apollo eased out of him, and Starbuck suppressed a wince. He hadn’t, for some reason, anticipated Apollo being quite so enthused about the ‘fracking him up, left, right and sideways’ idea. But there was no doubt he’d taken to it like a proper Strike Captain.

His captain. His _lover_.

Starbuck wrapped his arms around his lover, holding him hard, knowing now what it meant. Why he had held on so much tighter than he usually did, and why Apollo had never seemed to mind it.

He didn’t seem to mind it at all.

  
 __

End.

..................  
05.24.2006


End file.
